Best Places To Hide A Body In Toronto: #49 - Don River

This cozy little spot is perfect for your first or second murder as it's close to the downtown core, but juuust slightly off the beaten path. I won't tell you exactly where it is because..you know..evidence and all. 

Of Atmosphere And Ambience

It's certainly a cliché by now, but one of the wonderful things about living in Toronto is the sheer diversity of ethnic foods you can experience. When I first moved downtown in particular, it was a mouth-watering, eye-opening experience.

This is the beauty of multiculturalism. When we sit at each other's dinner tables, the world becomes just a little smaller, making us collectively appreciate that we have more in common than we have differences.

So, last night my lovely wife and I decided to dine at Young Thailand, a decent restaurant located in Cabbagetown that has never disappointed. The food is always fresh and moderately priced, but one thing that keeps us coming back to this particular establishment is the restaurant itself. It is set up as a tranquil oasis, with Thai inspired furnishings and even a little babbling brook. We also like the dimmed dining room which adds to the relaxed atmosphere.

As we entered last night we noticed our favourite table was waiting for us - tucked in the corner and away from the windows, nestled right beside the babbling brook. We approached the table gleefully and as we sat, we both noticed the serene, dream-like Thai music permeating the room - it was the chillaxin' favourite from Motley Crue: Smokin' In The Boys Room. Yes you read that right.

In about a second the entire atmosphere had changed as we realized the nature of this cacophany coming from the sound system. It was very off-putting, but we figured - maybe an anomaly. But we were soon disappointed again - this time it was Huey Lewis And The News. Sorry let me write that again. Huey Fucking Lewis And The Fucking News. In a Thai restaurant. On a Saturday night.

This is where Guns 'n Roses grew up.

It was soon evident that the place had decided to forego traditional Thai music to match the lovely decor and setting. It was some Saturday night classic rock show on a local radio station complete with voice-tracked morning DJ and even better...commercials.

So then we debated - we shouldn't have to and it's a valid request but do we ask the server to change the music? There are probably a dozen other people in the restaurant and we can't help think they aren't wondering the same thing. When our server does come by, in my best Canadian oh-so-polite passive aggressive way, I say "Do you ever play Thai music over the sound system?". She says "oh no, just the radio."

And it's really too bad, because as usual, the food was outstanding. For appetizers we had the veggie rolls. For mains there was the bbq beef, spicy curry noodle with shrimp and to top it off, a generous helping of Thin Lizzy's The Boys Are Back In Town.
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Let's Stop Kidding Each Other

Today was one of those days that I intentionally take off from work so I can run all the errands that I constantly put off. You know, like getting a haircut, visiting my bank, hiding a body..that sort of thing.

First up, drop the car off at the dealership for it's regular maintenance. For $188, I got a lube, oil and filter. For that much money, they should have thrown in some heavy petting with that lube. Next, a joyful field trip to the dentist. I was really due for a cleaning since I've put off the last few scheduled cleanings. Can you blame me? It's the fucking dentist.

This stock photo depicts a moment that has happened never.

In any event, aside from the pleasures of getting my gumline jabbed by a sharp instrument, a trip to the dentist is always fun due to the sheer trickery that goes on. It's like when James Bond meets a foreign spy at a fancy cocktail party. They're civil and polite, but nobody's telling the truth. Like a lot of people I imagine, my dentist and I have this unwritten rule where we constantly lie to each other. He used to ask me if I'm flossing regularly. I'd say yes. He pretends to remember what I do for a living by looking on his computer fourteen seconds prior to coming into the room. But I'm ok with our deception. It's like we're telling each other to stop kidding each other without telling each other to stop kidding each other. It's passive aggressive behaviour at it's finest. One time, one of his hygienists was busting my chops a bit much about the flossing thing, so I just said listen - if I and your other clients flossed as regularly as you'd like us to floss, you'd eventually go out of business. By letting my gums turn into the third act of a Friday The 13th movie, I'm sending your kids to college.

For the record, my teeth and gums are actually in pretty good shape, as I do floss semi regularly with a water pik thingamabob. This results in significantly less gore when I go for my cleanings, and I don't walk out of there feeling like someone's fired a shotgun into my mouth.

The other reason I don't feel bad about being less than truthful with my dentist is that today, as we made small talk about last minute Christmas shopping, he said he only has one stop to make. It's his annual visit to Tiffany's so he can present that little blue box to his wife each and every December 25th. Maybe this Christmas I'll show up at his house when he's about to give it to her - after all, it's really from me is it not?