February 18, 2016

New Ghost Added To Keg Mansion Lineup

Add one part Darwin Award and mix with an ounce of Rooftopping and/or Burglary and you have a fresh faced ghost now adorning the fabled haunted hallways of The Keg Mansion on Toronto's Jarvis street.

Nobody wants to see a person shuffle off this mortal coil prematurely, but when you rattle the cage of the Grim Reaper, he (or she) will certainly listen when you come-a-knockin'.

So, next time the pretty hostess at the Keg Mansion tells you  that it will be a 2 hour wait before you can suck down those Mushrooms Neptune followed by a 12 ounce Baseball Sirloin, instead of sitting in the lobby and staring at the precise spot that young man met his maker, go the fuck upstairs and toast a cocktail to people like him who make us feel just a little bit better about our life choices today.

February 2, 2016

The Phantom Menace

I've got this pair of boots that I'm quite fond of. They are a quality make, and originally priced at $175. That price point is a little rich for my blood, so I got them on sale for about half that.

Then, about six months of delightfully walking around in my fantastic boots, the stinkin' heel came off the left one. As a result, I sounded like a tap-dancing fool everytime I'd walk on pavement or ceramic floors.  What made it even more embarrasing was the fact that it was only the one boot that made the noise. And, the heel missing meant that I was, in effect, an inch or so shorter on the left side which over time certainly would have made me a Quasi Modo of some sort. 

After some degree of procrastination, I decided that I should have the heel repaired. Of course, the decision to have it repaired and actually repairing it are two different things. So, two months later, after walking around as a lopsided clickety clackin' motherfucker, I finally got it fixed. But now, everytime I put on my boots and walk around, in my mind I still sort of feel like I'm missing that heel and sometimes over compensate for it when walking. It's sort of like the reverse of when a guy has gotten his arm cut off. For years he still feels like it's there, and this phenomenon is often referred to as having a phantom arm.

So what I'm saying is that if you've had a limb cut off, I know exactly how you feel.