Vikings

"Binge watching" is one of those terms nowadays that just about everyone uses, along the same lines as "Hot Karl" or "Sucking Chest Wound".

A screen shot from the show, accurately
depicting a Viking woman.

Just the other day I sat down to take in 3 episodes of the Irish-Canadian produced series Vikings, and I quite enjoyed it. Solid acting, and it took me a while to adjust my thinking to just how primitive it was back in the 9th century. In fact, if a real life Viking hopped into a time machine to 2015, I'm pretty sure he'd lose his mind immediately. This is the time when rudimentary navigational tools were just being crudely shaped and invented. What's not too different is their belief in silly religious deities, and specifically the viking god Thor, who, incidentally I always thought was a DC Comics creation. Who knew?

In any event, one particularly interesting aspect of the show is that it begins in all the regular ways, with  you empathizing with the plight of the poor peasant farmer and his family. But then something happens. I guess you can take the boy out of Scandinavia, but not the Scandinavia out of the boy, because soon enough, this same peasant farmer starts gettin' down to the whole Viking raping and pillaging business. And to make it crystal clear just how brutal these dudes were, one early episode features them rolling up into a peaceful community of Monks to slice, steal, dice and kidnap. As a result, I felt a little conflicted. I mean, those Monks were just living their peaceful little delusional lives, and in comes Grog and his medieval brutes to wipe them out. Having said all that, the Monks did have those terrible Monk haircuts where the crown of their heads are shaved in a tiny circle, so in the final analysis, I suppose that justifies murder.

Exactly

Strange Animal

I was in Yorkville for work yesterday. I'm always fascinated with that weird veneer you get from the place. Every thing and every one is pristine. As I was walking in the Four Seasons, the guy who opened the door for me was wearing a $1500 suit. The female guests within were all, and I mean all..unbelievably hot and immaculately dressed. Male guests wore strange short dress pants the rest of us might call floods, with multicoloured socks. There was 1 guy with high top sneakers that appeared to be made of a material that I have never ever seen before, which tells me something about the circles I run in.

When I finished my business and left the area, it reminded me of the time I was a 15 year old McDonald's employee. Hours after finishing a shift you'd still feel this thin layer of grease all over your body, and my friends told me I smelled like a Big Mac.

It's a strange universe over in them parts.

R.I.P. Active Surplus

I'd hate to be the guy who has to do closing inventory for Active Surplus on Queen west, given the store's closing soon.

I must say though, that when I've poked and prodded for cheap cables and connectors from this place, I've often thought about the salt-mine like working conditions the parts came from. I think about the poor men, women (and children?) toiling in some shit hole foreign factory, getting a couple of bucks a day, and I must admit I feel guilty...then I see that the price for a 10' HDMI cable is eight bucks, say to myself: WOW THAT'S AWESOME and then I forget all about those people.

The Sweetest Fruit...

Well, you know the rest of the saying.

There are a few variations but I have often gone with "The sweetest fruit is out on the limb". I've used it as a mantra of sorts and it's a good philosophy in my view. The basic idea of course is that you've gotta take chances to succeed at whatever it is you're doing.

Herein lies the rub with our Toronto Blue Jays. In this town we're so used to chronic disappointment from our sports teams, so we've become a jaded bunch. Lately, as the Jays have raced to the top of the standings, thousands of bandwagoners have emerged, filling Rogers Centre to capacity on a Monday, unheard of only 2 months ago.

In this photo from city archives, the
Toronto Dandelions capture
the 1867 championship 

I consider myself a true fan, but I don't mind the folks who have hitched their carriage to our ride. Butts in seats help the team - the energy, the noise, the passion. And it would be a bigger problem if the team was winning and people continued to stay away like we've seen in some baseball markets.

Some are still reluctant to emotionally commit though. There's still a lot of baseball to go, and anything can happen, including not making the damn playoffs. My lovely wife is slowly warming to the idea, but she's still hesitant. It sort of feels like the time I suggested we become swingers. At the beginning of the discussion she was horrified, and at the end of the discussion she was still horrified, so that never flew.

But in the end, this is what life is supposed to be about. It's about experiencing everything that comes with it, good or bad. You pays your money, you take your chances. No point in constantly protecting yourself emotionally given the prospect of getting hurt, whether it be a personal relationship or a major life decision. And when you look at it that way, committing emotionally to a silly game makes it all the more easy to do.

Brilliant

 With so many screens and so many options it's hard to cut through as an advertiser, particularly with the standard 30 second commercial on "regular" tv, given pvr's, netflix and the like

But just the other day 1 cut through for me, and I only saw it because I was watching the Jays game, which is why sports is so important to broadcasters - sports is pvr proof, increasing the value for advertisers. But I digress.

I'm referring to a Lucky Charms commercial. It's brilliant. It's basically 1 shot - a guy comes into his kitchen to make himself a bowl of cereal, turns to put the milk away and out of the background a guy who was there all the time, camouflaged, sneaks off with his lucky charms.

First, it plays wonderfully on the cereal's marketing history - recall the trickster leprechaun cartoon commercials many of you may remember as kids . But it wisely stays away from the stereotypical irish leprechaun and focuses on the prank angle.

Then, as the commercial finishes, you realize as the viewer you too have been tricked since you don't see the camouflaged guy either..so what do you do..or at least..what did i do?...i re wound the damn commercial...and watched it again so i could see if i could notice the camouflaged guy..

let me repeat..i watched it..again.. that means lucky charms, in theory, got thousands of people to consume their marketing twice in one sitting.. now that's smart.

No i'm not going to buy lucky charms, and i think they're banking on nostalgia (for example i'll go buy a terrible mcdonald's cheeseburger once in a while cuz it reminds me of my childhood), but at least one person, on one blog..is writing about it..

WTF happened to summer?

It's opening week of the CNE, there are leaves on the ground, the days feel cooler and we're seeing ads for "back to school". At least one retail chain tried to soften the blow by calling it "back to campus".

Summer of 2015, I hardly knew ye.

Hobo Gauntlet Radio - Episode 9

On episode 9 of HGR, you'll have the distinct pleasure of not hearing me speak a single word. Not because I don't have anything to say, but because I don't have anything to say it into.

You see, for previous podcasts I've borrowed a microphone from frequent Hobo Gauntlet commenter Clefto, but Clefto had the gaul to actually want his mic back. That selfish bastard!

In any event, on this 'cast we'll hear from Lemon Jelly, Franz Ferdinand, Chvrches, a modern remix of a Depeche Mode classic, Interpol and the latest from Tame Impala. Oh, and I forgot to mention that it starts at around the :26 mark, either because I'm trying to be artistic or I screwed up. Your choice.

Hobo Guantlet Radio - Episode 9 by Hobogauntlet on Mixcloud

Leader Of The Pack

I've posted about the great Canadian institution Tim Horton's on a few occassions, but here's one more tip.

T-Ho's is perpetually busy and more times than not there is some kind of queue. That means that when you eventually get to the front of said queue, you are in charge. You're the man or the woman making all the necessary decisions to manage the well-being of that line-up. You are most definitely The Leader Of The Pack.

Man has put men on the moon, yet we can't Master the Tim Horton's queue.

This means that as you become #1 in that line, be aware of the exact spot you should be standing in order to keep that damn line running at maximum efficiency. What I see very often is the #1 person standing too far back and unnecessarily creating a backlog which frequently leads to the queue busting at the seams, where people are forced out the internal and external doors unnecessarily. This of course is the catalyst for the awkwardness associated with holding doors open while you wait for the queue to move forward, then handing that duty to the guy behind you like a reverse relay race.

So for the love of jesus almighty in the sky, don't drink and drive, change your fire alarm batteries and look around you once in a while.

Of Chip Trucks and Honkys

I've been somewhat negligent in posting due to some vacation time, but better late than never.

I stayed a week at a fantastic cottage in Cloyne, Ontario. If you haven't heard of the bustling metropolis that is Cloyne, then you'll most certainly have heard of the nearby larger mega metropolis known as Tweed.

This is why I rent cottages in the summertime.

I have found that there is certainly is a common characteristic of Small Town, Ontario:

1. White. Very white.
2. A single main street, often called Main Street.
3. They love pizza joints and chip trucks. A lot.
4. When not eating pizza and chips, they get real exotic by having a single Chinese food restaurant, often using that stereotypical "chinese" font in the signage
5. The women I've met are manly and will beat you down. The men I've met wear baseball caps,  drive pickups and don't like my kind.
6. Cottage and lakefront properties are breathtakingly beautiful, allowing me to re-charge and appreciate the great outdoors.

Like most Canadians, I love me some cottage getaways, but as the saying goes, they're a great place to rent, but I wouldn't want to buy one.