Tim Hortons Tales #2,356

You've gotta hand it to Tim Horton's. Since there is such a cross section of people that frequent it, the joint is like a bubbling cauldron of awkwardness and misadventure.

Today's tale is subtle, but a classic. As I was in line this morning, there were three or four people waiting for their bagels or breakfast sandwiches to be made. At the best of times this can be a chaotic ritual, given how busy T-Ho's gets.

So there was this one guy who looked like he just rolled out of bed from a trashcan. I'd say he was about 45, with greasy unkempt hair, dirty oily hands, rough and ready clothing and a wild-eyed look about him. Next to him was this pretty young blonde woman about 25. The server announces that some kind of bagel is ready and the dirty dude takes his sandwich, but he stays since he's clearly waiting for another item. The server then brings up a couple of more items, none of which belong to the blonde woman. At this point, it's become clear that there's been some confusion - the young woman's sandwich is MIA. She proceeds to enquire about the fate of her breakfast, and the server says she's already brought that particular item out....which is when it became clear that Fleabag McGee mistook her bagel for his, and has had his greasy mitts all over it for about a minute.

I look at the young woman the instant she realizes what's what. She was trying to be polite, but for a split second she flashed a look of  deep, deep disappointment, only to be replaced by disgust when the guy handed the sandwich back to her.

In the end, at least the woman can tell the story about the day she went for breakfast at Tim Horton's, patiently waited in line for ten minutes, paid for it and as she walked out the door, threw it directly into the trash.
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I've Got A New Complaint

Not exactly new, but it's related to the unending self-centredness you see from people every day.

This morning while driving in to work, I stopped by Tim Horton's and decided to use the drive-thru since there were only one or two cars in the queue. At most drive-thru's nowadays, before you scream your order into the metallic squawk box, there are trash receptables. Great idea right? Well they are, in theory. Theory doesn't always take society's ass-clowns into account.

As the car in front of me inched forward, you could see him or her gathering up stuff to dump into the trash. Now, there's about 3 or 4 feet between your car and the receptacle - if you have a coffee cup to discard, I'd say you've got a decent chance of hitting your mark by tossing it, especially since these bins have been engineered for the lazy ass bastards of the world.

But if you've got three large drink cups, a few styrofoam containers, napkins and other loose debris all in a large paper bag, throwing it from your car is probably not the best idea. So as I sit and observe this, out of the blue I see this sizeable McDonald's bag fly out of his window in the general direction of the bin. It smashes into the almost full receptacle and cups and trash bounce back and onto the ground.

So at this point, my thinking is..admit you're a jackass, put your car in park, open your goddamn door and put the crap in the bin.  But no, not this guy. He just rolls along merrily to place his order which will result in more trash he'll be missing the mark on tomorrow. As I roll my car forward, I hear the cacophonous crunch of plastic bottles and styrofoam containers underneath my tires. I open my door and the ground is completely strewn with trash.

To me, karma is as fictitious as sasquatch, but at times like this I wish karma stepped it's ass up and taught pricks like this a lesson.
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You're Lying To Yourself

Dear Tim Horton's.

Each morning when I pop by to see you, please stop asking me if I want to try the Dark Roast. Don't you remember me from the last four hundred and nineteen days in a row I've been here? And after you've interrogated me and we've exhaustingly come to the conclusion that I just want the original flavour, do not ask me if there'll be something else. "Why I'm glad you asked, because I completely forgot that I also wanted to order a thousand timbits."

I'll never put one of these in my mouth ever again, and I'm ok with that.

On a related note, to the lady I see in the lineup frequently - stop lying to yourself. That Bacon Wrap you order every day isn't healthy because it's in a wrap. It's just like the delusional folks who order a big mac, large fries and a diet coke. Don't delude yourself. If you want to eat that shit, eat it. Eat it, and at least have the balls to own it.