I Beat Children

And I'm proud of it. You see, it's no easy task issuing smack-downs on people who didn't exist in the last millenium.

I'm talking of course about the internet based tank-battle game Tanki Online, which I'm completely addicted to. In a nutshell, you create and build a custom military tank and enter various battle scenarios, either in teams or as an individual warrior. Yes, I said warrior.

Demographically speaking, I'd hazard a guess that the average person playing is a twelve year Russian boy. So it truly makes me feel like a man when I annihilate small children.

What's that? I should pick a fight with someone my own mental size? Well how about the animal kingdom? Ever see footage of  a tiger chasing down and eating a baby gazelle?  The way I figure it, if it happens in nature, then it's ok in the virtual world.

Besides, it's no secret that the computer revolution is what truly balances the scales - look how it benefits physically disabled people in the workforce. So, on many occasions while playing Tanki I've had my ass handed to me by these kids, usually because they've been playing the game longer, or have built a superior tank with better ammunition or a stronger hull.

Vaporizing twelve-year olds is way more fun than putting up shelves
or building a deck..  

Now I'll be honest and say that at first I felt a bit odd playing the game and getting emotionally invested in winning when I knew I was competing against children. Frankly, the paranoid side of me suggested that the FBI was listening in. For that reason, I stay far and clear from the chat feature, particularly when I'm invited to join other teams due to my unbelievably deadly skills.

The other thing you might ask is, why the hell is a grown ass man playing video games at all? Well, that just goes to prove that I have more in common with the other players than you'd think. You see, these kids are on to something. If you never grow up, you'll always stay young.