March 24, 2015

Just Follow The Rats

Whenever I take the ferry boat across Toronto harbour to Centre Island, I wonder about a few things.

First, I think about how long I'll actually be on the island until I've become utterly bored and realize I'm trapped, leading to the drudgery of waiting for the ferry back to the city. My university used to have island parties there as part of frosh week, and one time I fell asleep beneath a tree away from the festivities. I'd like to make it clear it had nothing to do with a breakfast smorgasbord of syrupy Durango Coolers at 8:30am (side note: my life is complete..I've finally used smorgasboard in a sentence).

Upon regaining consciousness, the party had ended and it was nearly nighttime, and I was this close to being forced to swim back to Toronto. Another way of saying that is I was this close to dying while trying to swim back to Toronto.

Another thing I think about while on the ferry?  Should the vessel begin to take on water and we are proceeding to sink, given this dire survival situation which passenger should I eat first? Oh sure, we're pretty close to shore in either direction and there would certainly be emergency personnel on the scene quickly, but it's still important to isolate and target where your next meal may have to come from. Watching Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom as a child has helped me in that regard, even though all those scenes were completely fucking staged.

That's me near the middle in the blue hat.
Ahead of resorting to dining on Karl and Mildred from Oakville however, I've heard that on large sinking ships in the past, one just has to follow the rats since they'll instinctively know in which direction to scurry to relative safety on the lower decks.

This theory appears to have some practical applications in everyday life too. I've mentioned this on this blog previously, but last summer I was in Dublin, and I really didn't like the idea of going on a traditional tour, yet I was interested in seeing some of the cool spots around town. So, I rented a bike and simply followed the unending stream of doubledecker tour buses. They go on a huge loop around the city, so if I got too far behind one and wasn't sure which way to go, I'd just wait for another. I could also stop and take in the scenery or take a break wherever I wanted.

Similarly this morning driving to work, The Man On The Radio Box said that there was a major traffic jam on my regular route - the northbound DVP - resulting from a couple of accidents. Heading eastbound on Dundas I confirmed this visually as I passed over the parkway. However, just ahead of me I noticed a taxi who was also considering the DVP, but then he quickly dodged left and right and left through a series of streets I didn't know existed. Next thing I know I'm on Broadview near the Danforth bypassing the terribleness to my left. I laughed and laughed and whistled a merry tune as I pulled into my workplace a full 5 minutes quicker than it usually takes me.

It put me in a fantastic mood since I was fully expecting an awful commute, and as I cheerfully ordered my coffee from the local Tim Horton's, I was extra pleasant to the staff members I encountered, and wondered who I should eat first.

2 comments:

  1. Always eat the Tim Hortons sandwich maker first. They've got buttery fingers.

    I find that most of the time i'm in a cab in this city, the driver knows the best route. They should i guess, It's what they do all day. However, there have been occasions where I had to direct the driver, street by street, how to get somewhere that I assumed was easy. If you don't know where Jarvis and Richmond is, how do you get a job driving a taxi in this city?

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  2. On a related note, taxicab companies have begun phasing out the old timey walky-talky type radios that used to be in every car. This saddens me because on late night weekend rides I'd often ask the driver if I could get on his radio and talk trucker style to other cabbies. One or two let me do it actually if I'd allow them to beat beat me with a stick..a fair deal.

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