December 7, 2014

Yay A Parade

It's that time of year again.

Toronto's Etobicoke Lakeshore Santa parade was today, Weston's was last week, and always strangely early, the city's major Christmas parade was in July.

I saw this when I was 6 years old at my first Santa parade.   
I don't like parades. In fact I dislike them in every possible way. Part of it has to do with the fact that I used to be in them. When we were kids, my folks got us into an Irish accordion marching band. Yes. Accordion. I thought maybe I'd meet girls, but since I was new I didn't know how to play anything so I was given a flag to carry. A dude carrying a flag doesn't get girls. Trust me. 

But I just don't get the appeal of parades and being childless means I don't have to endure them. If they're good, they're rammed and people fight to get a good spot for their kid. If they're weak, although you have no problems getting a view, half the floats consist of four greasy car salesmen waving out the window of a cadillac strung up with an auto dealership banner. And who cares about seeing a fire truck? Living in the city I see them almost every day, and firetrucks, particularly with sirens, symbolize tragedy, death and sadness.

 And if that's not enough for me to hate parades, I have one more reason. Years ago when in university, a friend had a brilliant idea. He'd make up little red plastic stop-signs printed with "STOP at my house Santa", and we'd walk along the route and sell them for five bucks. We'd make hundreds and hundreds of dollars, he said. Instead, we lost hundreds and hundreds of dollars. It was freezing, I got hassled by parade organizers and I sold exactly two signs, one of which was to my seven year old niece..at full price.

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