December 18, 2014

Random Punch In The Face

Listen, I get it.

I understand people love Christmas and it makes them feel warm and cozy and sugar plums are flying out of their asses,et cetera. I can't quite pinpoint it, but for some reason, it annoys me juuust a little bit when I see people randomly wearing Santa hats. Like in a lineup at the Tim Horton's. Like in a mall. Like the woman at work who just walked through my department. There's also the suburban minivan set who put those antlers on either side of their vehicle.

You won't know when, or where, but one day, I will come for you. 
I do wonder what possesses people to make an outward physical statement like this. I know, I know. It's harmless and they're happy - who am I to spoil their fun right? So, moving forward I've got a plan. On Easter I'm going to carry a basket of coloured eggs around with me and take them into meetings at work. And for Hanukkah, I'll have a fully lit menorah with me at all times and bring it to restaurants. You know. Religious statement and ambience all in one. When the manager asks me to leave the establishment, I'll ask him to come close, whisper "Hitler" in his ear and then enjoy my complimentary meal.   


  1. is that hat nailed to the dolphin's head?

  2. Nothing says Christmas like a 1 dollar red felt hat made by a 7 year old Asian boy. But seriously, I don't mind the hats and the sweaters and the carols and the trees, but do we all have to feed FREE cookies and milk to the holly jolly man in the red suit while he gives presents to EVERYONE? Supposedly he doesnt give gifts to those who have been naughty, but I've been naughtly plenty of times and still recieved a shitload of gifts. It's horseshit. Socialist fat fuck.

  3. @Clefto. Great. By writing "7 year old Asian boy" here the Feds will be at my doorstep in an hour. I'll send 'em your way.