You might recall a side story told by the lead character in the film Stand By Me. Sitting around the campfire, he tells the tale of Lardass, a local portly fella who gets revenge in a pie eating contest by puking all over everyone, leading to a Barf-A-Rama.
Truth is stranger than fiction though, because the Barf-A-Rama recently made a stop at the Hobo Gauntlet headquarters. Jones The Cat hasn't been feeling well recently - quel surpris - so every couple of days we get a little treat from her. I like to think that she loves us so much she just wants to share the food we've provided for her, albeit completely digested and warmed up in her microwave oven'esque stomache.
Now you know how you're out sometimes and you see couples wearing the same jacket? - it's an embarrassing thing really - it screams "hey look- we've got the same thing on! look at how in-love we are! Our individual selves are gone and now we've fused into one person!" Well, fortunately my lovely wife and I don't partake in such activities, but in the spirit of togetherness, she decided recently to join Jones The Cat by visiting the Porcelain Princess due to some minor ailment. (Now, if we could only train Jones to use the toilet bowl for these needs, we'd be cooking with gas).
Murphy likes to walk into the room at these precise times with his silly Laws (or was Murphy a woman?), so at around the same time we've got Jones coughing up a lung on the first floor while my wife has a face to face with the bowl on the second. When one is pre-occupied with such unpleasantness, one appreciates a friend or loved one nearby to soothe them. The question for me then - who do I attend to? While Jones' body contorts and convulses, do I stroke her fur calmingly, or gently rub my wife's back towards the same objective?
In other news, I'm sleeping at a hotel this week.
Truth is stranger than fiction though, because the Barf-A-Rama recently made a stop at the Hobo Gauntlet headquarters. Jones The Cat hasn't been feeling well recently - quel surpris - so every couple of days we get a little treat from her. I like to think that she loves us so much she just wants to share the food we've provided for her, albeit completely digested and warmed up in her microwave oven'esque stomache.
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| Now where exactly did I leave my keys? |
Now you know how you're out sometimes and you see couples wearing the same jacket? - it's an embarrassing thing really - it screams "hey look- we've got the same thing on! look at how in-love we are! Our individual selves are gone and now we've fused into one person!" Well, fortunately my lovely wife and I don't partake in such activities, but in the spirit of togetherness, she decided recently to join Jones The Cat by visiting the Porcelain Princess due to some minor ailment. (Now, if we could only train Jones to use the toilet bowl for these needs, we'd be cooking with gas).
Murphy likes to walk into the room at these precise times with his silly Laws (or was Murphy a woman?), so at around the same time we've got Jones coughing up a lung on the first floor while my wife has a face to face with the bowl on the second. When one is pre-occupied with such unpleasantness, one appreciates a friend or loved one nearby to soothe them. The question for me then - who do I attend to? While Jones' body contorts and convulses, do I stroke her fur calmingly, or gently rub my wife's back towards the same objective?
In other news, I'm sleeping at a hotel this week.
It seems to me that your cat and wife are having an affair. This explains the double sickness.
ReplyDeleteWith the same thought in mind, I water boarded them both but the only (useless) thing I got out of the cat is that she's a member of Al Qaeda.
ReplyDelete