February 15, 2015


Leaving out my so-called "professional" worklife, here is a list of jobs I've had. I've also included some positives and negatives of each.

  • + Free hot dog and coke at 9th hole
  • - Lining up along a wall at 6am to get selected by old white guys...you know..like a slave auction

  • + Little kid allowed to swing axe at stuff - what's not to like?
  • - The pay was an ice cream cone 

Newspaper delivery boy
  • + Independence
  • - 5am wake up to start prepping papers / collecting - some pricks would dodge paying by saying they didn't receive their paper

 McDonald's - Quarter Pounder grill
  • + Made my own (free) big macs with 4 or 5 patties and a hundred pickles on it
  • - You are coated by grease and smell like meat... all the time.
  • Bonus fact! I once had to dress up as The Professor character and along with others like  Grimace and Mayor McCheese, I was sent outside to greet kids, none of whom had ever heard of The Professor character

Coat check at Royal York Hotel
  • + Easiest fucking money ever
  • - 8am Saturday morning shifts after Friday night fraternity parties
  • Bonus fact! One older guy who worked there wanted me to "date" his wife

Security Guard
  • + Look tough in uniform
  • - Was told once to go look for a crazy hobo who was somewhere on the 10th floor of a darkened office building...who was armed with an 8 inch screwdriver

Private Investigator
  •  +Lived at a hotel in Ottawa for a summer, fantastic dough, killed many
  • - If people knew who I really was, could have been killed...by many

Retail sampler
  • +Met lots of chicks
  • - Standing all the time, pretending to give a shit about the product

Pizza delivery
  • +Free pies
  • -Giant risk of being shanked delivering to rathole apartment buildings

  • +Working outside in the summer
  • - Hard bloody work...outside..in the summer

What were yours?


  1. You left out "banana wrangler" on a film set.

    On that note, my easiest gig was spraying water from a garden hose onto a pretty blonde girl in a bikini for a TV commercial shoot. I like to think there wasn't even any film in the camera; it was all for my own enjoyment and nothing else.

  2. Blin you are correct!

    How could I forget that special day down in Toronto's distillery district where some jackal of a woman barked orders at me when I placed the bananas in the wrong spot on the craft services table. I also had to scour the cobblestone ground for tiny bits of debris to allow the DOP to get a clean shot of some stupid car in the commercial.

    As to your gig - simply wonderful. You clearly reached the high point of your working-life. You should have just retired at that point.

  3. I once worked at Zellers as a young lad. I spent an entire precious Saturday dressed as a clown handing out small "Zeddy Bears" to children and children-like adults. I got paid a whole 20 dollars which i proceeded to spend on Zellers food. This was not fun in case you weren't sure.

  4. re: Zellers gig. What's creepy is that the job description didn't even require Clefto to dress up as a clown.