February 1, 2015

I'm An Adult Now

I try not to make a habit of it, but once in a while, I take part in some adult activities.

In a similar mode, years ago I went to a dinner party. I don't really understand dinner parties.  It was the first, and it will most certainly be the last. There was a guy wearing a tweed jacket and a tie. A woman was going on and on about her involvement in the PTA. Some other fella blatantly criticized the company I worked for by saying "your stock is dog-shit".

Last night however was time for another one of those nights. My lovely wife and I were invited to a neighbour's house for, and I quote: "drinks and nibblies".  I do appreciate the invitation, I really do. The folks invited were all intelligent, conscientous people and are generally trying to make the world a better place, starting with their own neighbourhood. That's nice. But, most importantly, they only live a few doors down so it's really fucking close.

We needed to prepare ourselves though. And when I say prepare ourselves, I mean cocktails. After all, a little pre-event lubrication goes a long way when contemplating the range of topics to come. Flash forward to 7:15 and the party is in full swing..literally. See, it turns out we've been invited to a swinger's party. When we walk in, our eyes will never unsee the horror of 7 people in their late sixties buck naked in a writhing ball of viagra-fuelled passion.
I thought it would be funny to bring a jello mould...laced with cocaine.

Well no that's not what happened, but the thought did cross our mind while having the cocktails earlier. Fortunately everyone at the get together had clothes on, with the one exception being the dog. There was, of course, that awkward moment when the dog should have been wearing pants. Awkward for everyone, that is, except the dog and I . The dog was like "yo what's up, check out my junk", and I thought it was bananas funny.  

 So, the wine flowed and the conversations ranged from the Harper government to the education system to the re-development of a nearby neighbourhood. There was a lawyer who was surprisingly not a douchebag. A university accounting professor who looked exactly like a university accounting professor. A retired english teacher who made me nervous about whether or not I was conjugating my verbs properly. A software developer who said life was really one giant algorithm.

So overall, I must admit that it went better than expected. I think that what it came down to was that these people were neither self-absorbed nor pretentious posers.

But, I'm still not ready to grow up.


  1. I once went to a dinner party, and when we arrived everyone was sitting very close to each other on small couches, quietly talking in a brightly-lit unpleasantly quiet room. I said "Hey, let's put some music on or something, get a cool vibe going". They then proceeded to put light country music on. Next we ate cous-cous and talked about vegetarianism and knitting. Thankfully I brought alcohol and have no memory of the rest of the evening.

  2. It is funny that you mentioned music, because that was one thing that was sorely missing from my evening. I couldn't even see a device in the room that could play music. There was a fireplace however, which was sort of like camping. On the other hand that coulda got ugly. I would have got my irish blood up if a "One of Those Guys Who Bring An Acoustic Guitar Camping To Steal Your Girlfriend Because He's A Sensitive Artist" situations developed.

  3. I find that announcing "Lets play: Who's in my mouth?" is a good way to kick up the party.